Santa Hat Christmas Charcuterie Board

A Santa hat Christmas charcuterie board of Hungarian salami, prosciutto and mortadella, with a fanned Swiss cheese brim, little cheese stars and a herby brie pom pom. Built by real human hands, all ten fingers accounted for, and ready for Christmas drinks with no cooking at all.

You have probably seen them drifting through your Facebook feed this year: impossibly perfect Christmas boards where the salami folds into shapes no salami has ever agreed to, the grapes glow from within, and the hands doing the arranging seem to have a finger or two more than strictly necessary. This one is real. I can prove it, because I had to eat the mistakes.

Every slice came from the deli counter and was laid out by hand on a round wooden board in the shape of Santa's hat: rows of Hungarian salami and prosciutto for the hat itself, a fanned line of Swiss cheese for the soft white brim, and a whole brie at the tip for the pom pom. The stars were cut with a little cookie cutter while the kettle boiled, and the offcuts did not survive long enough to be photographed.

My glass in these photos says I'm fine, everything's fine, which is about as honest as anything gets in the lead up to Christmas. And if someone insists this board was made by AI, I will take it as the highest compliment, right after I ask the AI to come over and wash up.

Prep: 20 min · Serves: 4 · Cuisine: Mediterranean · Category: Appetiser

Ingredients

Santa Hat Christmas Charcuterie Board

• 200 g Hungarian hot salami, thinly sliced
• 150 g prosciutto
• 200 g mortadella with olives
• 250 g Swiss style cheese slices, such as Jarlsberg or Maasdam, plus 2 extra slices for the stars
• 1 whole brie, about 200 g
• 1 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
• ½ tsp dried oregano or mixed Italian herbs
• 1 cup marinated olives
• 1 small bunch green grapes
• 1 small bunch black grapes
• 2 tbsp pomegranate seeds
• 6 to 8 small sprigs fresh rosemary
• 1 box seeded crackers
• 1 box water crackers

Method

1. Take the brie out of the fridge 30 minutes before you start so it softens slightly.
2. Spoon the olives into a small bowl and set it at the top left of a large round board, about 40 cm across.
3. Make the brim. Fan the Swiss cheese slices in an overlapping row across the bottom of the board.
4. Build the hat. Starting just above the brim, layer the Hungarian salami and folded prosciutto in alternating rows, working upward and gradually narrowing as you go.
5. Shape the tip. Fold the mortadella into loose ribbons and roll a few slices of salami, then curve them up and over towards the right, so the top of the hat flops over like the real thing.
6. Add the pom pom. Set the brie at the end of the tip, nestled right against the meat. Drizzle with olive oil, scatter over the herbs and finish with a small sprig of rosemary.
7. Cut the stars. Use a small star cutter, about 2 cm, to cut stars from the extra cheese slices. Scatter them over the hat.
8. Fill the gaps. Tuck green and black grapes around the outer edge, then add the crackers on either side. Dot pomegranate seeds and rosemary sprigs over the meats and the cheese brim.
9. Serve straight away.

Storage and Make Ahead

The board is best built on the day, but it can be assembled up to 4 hours ahead without the crackers. Cover tightly, refrigerate, and let it sit out for 20 minutes before serving, adding the crackers at the last moment so they stay crisp. Leftover meats and cheese keep well wrapped in the fridge for up to 3 days, as long as they have not sat out for more than 2 hours on a warm day.

Notes

Cheese sweats quickly in warm weather. On a hot December day, build the board in the coolest part of the house and keep it out of direct sun.

The board can be built up to 4 hours ahead without the crackers. Cover tightly and refrigerate, then let it sit out for 20 minutes before serving and add the crackers at the last moment so they stay crisp.

Use whatever your deli has. The shape matters far more than the exact cuts of meat.

Serving Suggestion

Pour a round of Midori Limoncello Spritz to sit alongside, and if you would like something warm on the table too, a tray of Garlic Parmesan Bruschetta Bites comes out of the oven in no time.

Useful Questions

Can I make a Christmas charcuterie board the day before? Not fully, but you can get ahead. Cut the cheese stars and portion the meats the day before, keep them covered in the fridge, then assemble on the day.

How much meat do I need per person? Allow about 70 to 90 g per person when the board is served as a starter. If it is the main event at a drinks party, increase the meat and cheese by about half.

What can I use instead of brie? A small round of camembert works beautifully and keeps the pom pom look. Choose one about the same size so it sits neatly at the tip.

The Grace Table Tip

Save the cheese offcuts from the stars for a toastie or a Boxing Day omelette. And if anyone at the table accuses your board of being AI, hand them a cracker. Nothing settles the matter quite like a mouthful.